So, I go shopping.  Now, the choice of gentlemen’s outfitters in Rotherham isn’t quite what it used to be, but all the usual suspects are still here.  And I’m perfectly used to the fact that Women’s departments are always larger than Men’s; clothes shops have always been like that.  But by Jiminy Cricket, it never used to be this bad!

In River Island the already small Men’s department has now been merged with “Kids” and “Accessories” to form a kind of bijou hell.  In Next the Men’s area is tucked away in a broom cupboard out back next to “Home wares” and when I got to TK Maxx I found nothing but 2 pairs of socks and some Y-fronts in a Portaloo out in the car park.

An entire shopping centre and the full range of Men’s clothing from every shop could easily be squeezed in to the rotisserie chicken counter at Morrisons.  Disgraceful!  Worse still, not only do they have scantly more than bugger all, but what they do have is all crap!

If you want smart it’s a polyester suit and tie with a fabulous range of greys to choose from.  If you want casual it’s skinny jeans and “scruffy looking” T-shirts.  You know the ones, those T-shirts where you have to pay 30 odd quid for something that’s been designed to look like it cost a fiver.  “Punk” clothing.  Only punk was all about being cheap and original; this crap is unbelievably expensive and thousands of other poor sods are wearing exactly the same thing.

What makes it all a million times worse, of course, is that when you leave these places in abject disgust and fury you have to walk out through the Women’s department.  It’s like finding a golden ticket for Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory only to be diagnosed as diabetic on the day of the tour.  For women…all the colours of the rainbow, a myriad of styles, textures and fabrics.  Anything you can think of, they’ve got it.  And if they haven’t, go back next week and they’ll have some more in.  Whereas, it seems, the Oompa Loompa’s who work upstairs in the Men’s have all been hitting the Crystal Meth.  ”Oompa, Loompa, doopady dee, let’s design some…oh f**k it”

So, in the end I’ve come to the conclusion that the only way I’ll ever look good is if I lose some weight and shave my face.  I still won’t be able to buy the clothes I want to wear…but at least I’ll be able to fit into my girlfriends!

So long morning commuters! I’m going to try and walk as much as I can to get away from the London Underground…especially since the dreaded (ok, well just for moaning Londoners who want a seat on the train) London 2012 is just around the corner.

Speaking of the Olympics…Red 24 Management will announce some very exciting news soon- watch this space!

x

I eat what I like, when I like and a lot of it. I don’t hit the gym and I almost always have dessert.

I’m no skinny mini but I’m not over weight either. I enjoy my food and not particularly terrified of the mirror.

But as time goes by I’m thinking my body won’t always be so forgiving and in the name of good health I decided try a detox. Juice, fresh drinks, green tea and fresh fruit only.

I have never tried a ‘diet’ before and I wanted to see not only how it could affect my body but how it would affect my mind.

Wow – this is a lot harder than I anticipated and worryingly addictive. The first thing I noticed when I cheated (that was inevitable) was the insane amount of guilt linked with the crime. I was so mad at myself for failing that I added an extra day of detox as a form of punishment. Like a detention.

Well day 3 of take 2 Detox and I’ve scrapped the detention. There’s no way I’m falling down the size zero hole of yoyo dieting and slimming. I’m trying to control my mind. Let’s be honest we could all do 3 or 4 days without eating and it’s not gonna kill us. It’s simply a matter of looking at the menu and making decisions.

Below was a well thought out decision.

A decision that consisted of freshly baked Cinnamon doughnuts with British strawberries dipped in chocolate sauce.

Be good to yourself.

It twas a fun day, full of crazy acrylic nail extensions and neon weave’s- so naturally, I felt right at home. The talented photographer Alis Pelleschi (Creative consultant and Art director) was there to wip us all into shape with her famous militant but colourful vision.

The latex was tight, I sweated, and danced on stage like a monkey.

I must also thank the wonderful stylist Alexis Knox and a good amount of lube for getting me in my dresses.

I still find dry Custard in my ear at night.

Long live Latex!

xxx

If you’re thinking Disney melodies and chirping birds, think again. This is the classic fairytale on steroids- as actor Chris Hemsworth himself admitted!

Its bursting with action and has a good balance of fantasy and real life, creating a world that is both believable and engaging.

The film isn’t CGI heavy and much of it is filmed in forests and woodland around England and Wales. When asking director Rupert Sanders why, he plainly answered ‘well, because filming all day with a green screen is boring!’

There’s eye candy for guys, with the gorgeous Charlize Theron playing the wicked Queen Ravenna and for the vampire fans out there Snow White is played by the pale skinned beauty herself Kristen Stewart. Both actresses have some kick ass scenes…literally in Kristen’s case, as she admitted in my interview that whilst doing one of her fight scenes she kicked Chris Hemsworth (the Huntsman) in the face…and it made the cut as well, so you can see it for yourself!

The highlight of the film amongst all the darkness is when we meet the seven dwarves. You’ll find yourself doing a double take when you see familiar faces such as Ray Winston, Bob Hoskins and Nick Frost! They may be small, but they have a big impact on the film and provide some real comic relief.

From the poisoned apple to the magic mirror, it’s all there, but what makes this version different?

Charlize nailed it, ‘it’s better!’.

Simples.

My heart sinks when I read things like Judgement Day by Nigel Rayner who believes that machines make better decisions than humans and views that machines will kick human managers to the kerb – why would we want this? To be honest I thought the argument was old hat, that we agreed the human brain was superior and human contact was the way forward but I have a couple of weeks where I have realised I am out of touch on this subject and actually you need a few things to go wrong to see how the perverse twist in this evolution – we are taking superior human brains and dumbing them down to the point of AI…is this the master plan? make people as emotionally void as machines so when we replace them no-one will notice the difference?

I am going to share (and in doing so, name & shame) some recent experiences that prove my theory:

• Mini – I bought a lovely new one less than a year ago. It has had to go back to Mini 3 times for a intermittent problem that they can’t fix because the computer hasn’t logged a fault. Me the human experiences the fault every time I drive the car away from the garage. When I ring up each time to discuss the problem a human receptionist can’t place my call because I don’t fall into one of the options on her list, so she doesn’t know what to do with me. It’s a cycle that sends my blood pressure soaring each time (next visit 14th May).
• I moved one of our business bank accounts to The CO-OP Bank because I thought they shared the same value set as us and I would have a better relationship with them over the non-existent one with HSBC. Moving our clients to new bank details takes time and although I didn’t realise their was a time limit, I received a bill for not using the account, then a letter telling me the account had been closed. When I tried to call them to get an explanation I had to go through an irritating automated (punch all your account details in here…) just to get to an operator who then wanted them all again. The human operator couldn’t deal with the issue (not on his list) and promised to get someone to call me back – still waiting…
• BT, my mums neighbour has just lost her husband to a horrible battle with cancer, she is elderly herself so we are helping getting things sorted for her. The bill needs to be transferred to her name and she would like a paper bill to pay while she gets herself settled into life on her own. All the human operator could say in robotic fashion was the computer wouldn’t allow him to do this and we could only have one of the options on his list – none of which actually resolved the issue in hand. This painful transition is still work in progress.
• Starwood Hotels and in particular The W Hotel in Leicester Square London. A disastrous night (that I can only imagine is not the norm) being caught up in a situation where people where using cocaine, a hostile crowd culminating in fighting in the bar. Following a chat about how this was not the night we had imagined in the exclusive hotel, the Customer Services Manager said “I can’t refund the cost of the room because the computer has already taken the money”. She did though see why we had the complaint we had and was really shocked about the drugs, etc that it required further investigation. The Operations Director would be in later and we would get a call at 3pm…that was on Saturday, still waiting.

I could go on but I’m boring myself, so HSBC, 3 Mobile (who are particularly irritating) & RBS you have all got off lightly! I have discussed this effect of AI on our lives with the people around me and it seems we have forgotten what it like to get great human intelligence and customer service in our day to day lives. When we do get what we should receive as normal service we are amazed and its a real talking point e.g. Nick the concierge at The Scotsman Hotel In Edinburgh, did everything that a concierge should do; he talked to us, found out what we wanted to do and came up with suggestions to help, his responses didn’t come from a computer; they came from the knowledge he gained about us and his knowledge about the area we were in – his recommendations made a really nice difference to our stay. To be honest that is his job but we rarely see this any more and worse we don’t expect it.

I feel that we should fight back against this infiltration of AI and demand real human intelligence it will boost our moods (how many times a week does a company you pay money to send your blood pressure up?) and I’m sure the businesses who believe in it, so every week I’m going to name, shame and celebrate those businesses I have had contact with and I urge you do do the same. If the computer can say no, so can we.

TODAY IS A GREAT DAY! Why? Because Mr Yarn (my trusty ball of wool I’ve been wrapping twine around since I was 13 years of age) has finally got a new coat. In keeping with the summer, I’ve decided to give him a deep freshly cut lawn colour (a.k.a. green) and he now stands at a whopping just-below-knee height. THAT’s BIG in case you didn’t already realise. If you have no idea who Mr Yarn is and you’d like to hear more then do head over to the following video link from “The Ian Roe Show” where Mr Yarn was proudly featured:

Now, here’s a picture to feast your yarn enthused eyes over.

So here I am telling you a little bit about Canine Partners.

Canine Partners train assistance dogs for people with disabilities. Dogs that can open doors, pick up your keys and even load the washing machine. Dogs that take off your coat and give you your independence back.

Check out Canine Partners and sponsor a pup today!

www.canine partners.org.uk